schimb de vieti

Ma uitam la pozele tale. Mi’am dat seama ca dezvolti in mine cate un pic din fiecare sentiment. Dragoste, ura, pasiune, tristete, dorinta, mila, admiratie, nostalgie. Dar eu sunt ipocrita. Sunt o fiinta atat de comuna, atat de normala, atat de trista, incat… Cine incearca sa ma inteleaga va pieri in plictiseala. Tu, pe de alta parte, esti tot ceea ce mi’as fi dorit sa fiu eu. Mi’as fi dorit, si nu mi’as dori, pentru ca stiu ca tu nu ai vrea niciodata sa facem schimb de vieti. Este normal. Dar si tu gandesti la fel despre viata ta. Si stiu ca iti pui intrebari fara raspuns, si stiu ca incerci sa cauti adevarul, fericirea si iubirea, viata fara de moarte si iesirea din tipare. O faci bine. Ma faci si pe mine sa sper la mai mult. Dar tocmai aceasta este problema. Imi dai sperante desarte. Nu voi fi niciodata aproape de tine. Nu voi sti niciodata cum sa ajung acolo. Ma zbat constant si cad mereu. Nu esti acolo sa ma prinzi. Si nu vei fi… Entuziasmul imi moare usor cu fiecare clipa departe. Da, il readuci, si pui un capac de sticla deasupra capului meu. Te inteleg…

inceput

hai ca mi’am facut curaj sa iti scriu…

mi’e frica de o groaza de lucruri. incepand cu toate cele personale, pana la cele mai superficiale si tampite lucruri. stiu si nu stiu de ce… nu vreau sa ma aventurez in explicatii ce’mi depasesc nivelul de intelegere si capacitatile intelectuale, morale, sociale. e simplu. de ceva timp incoace ma gandesc la foarte multe. ma enerveaza ca nu sunt in stare sa pastrez. ma enerveaza, si totodata ma bucura, ca apari si dispari, cateodata atat de lejer si, aparent, fara consecinte. eu nu stiu sa pastrez. apoi apari din nou. de fiecare data cand faci asta, zambesc. ba mai mult, simt ca tresar de emotie cand te citesc. de fiecare data cand reapari, ma bulversezi. imi aduc aminte de pasaje din trecut, in care existi. imi reinvie dragostea pentru frumos, si spun “reinvie” tocmai pentru ca in lipsa ta… pare ca totul devine real. si, cum spuneam, reapari. astept cu mare nerabdare sa te ajung din urma. sa simt, sa vad, sa ating, sa culeg, sa invat, sa uit. si toate astea, zambind. e asa de mare diferenta intre un zambet sincer si curat si restul lumii. mi’l oferi. stii asta… o spui. si chiar daca nu o simti, o spui din nou. trebuie ca visul acesta sa se intample. altfel, de unde sa imi culeg sentimentele? din ei? din ele? nu… ei si ele ofera multe, dar nu pe tine si nu pe noi. hai, salveaza’ma! umple tu cupa vietii mele cu venin…

The Beginning of a New Chapter

Hello everyone,

After a long period of inactivity, here I am writing again. This is my first post since I’ve moved to Budapest. Why am I here? To do my Masters degree in Political Science at Central European University (CEU). I’ll be talking about three major things that positively affected my life here: (1) my new home, (2) the university, and (3) the people. But before I start with these, I would like to say a few words about the city of Budapest. Besides treating me like a princess, what Budapest did was to inspire me to become more eco-friendly than I was before (I select the garbage into categories and I use energy saving bulbs – things that I never did in Romania), and to apreciate even more the beauty of architecture and of arts. I cannot say that this city is more beautiful than Glasgow, for example, which I love so much, but it’s definitely another type of beauty. One that would make any tourist come here again and again.

This leads me to the first topic I wanted to talk about: my new home. I already call it home, because I feel so cosy here. I rented a room in a two-rooms flat, in a brick building, only 10 minutes walk to the Danube and 30 minutes to CEU. It is located in district XIII, very close to the food market, Lehel ter, and to the huge West End Mall. To tell you frankly, I was very lucky that I found this flat, which is located very conviniently in the city, at a very cheap monthly rent. My room is 20 square meters, with a small balcony. My flatmate, Zsofia, is a Hungarian girl, currently enrolled in her first year of PhD in English Literature at ELTE University and she is also working at CEU. She is more than lovely: fragile, with blonde hair and blue eyes, very welcoming, intelligent and nice. I am sure that we will get along very well.

Another thing that made me feel confortable here is CEU. It is by far the most beutiful university I have ever studyed in! It’s a very pleasant and interesting combination between old and new architecture: the monument building in Nador 9 has this oldish, monumental look, while the Faculty Tower is a 10 story building, made of steel and glass. The Japanese Garden combines metal with concrete and geometrical forms, in a way that is always getting you to think about nature. The library is quite big, and the smell of books and the quietness make you feel like a true scholar. It is though a complicated university, with lots of buildings and passages, with many doors and corridors. When I first got there and I had to look for different offices and classrooms I felt like in an adventure film, exploring every bit of this complex.

And then, there are the people I met here. From professors, to the administration and the students. The one person that really impressed me was the new President and Rector of CEU, John Shattuck. Before CEU he was CEO of the John F. Kennedy Library Foundation, and formerly United States Assistant Secretary of State for Democracy, Human Rights and Labor under President Clinton; he was the U.S. Ambassador to Czech Republic and an endorser of the Genocide Intervention Network; he played a major role in the establishment by the United Nations of the International Criminal Tribunals for Rwanda and the former Yugoslavia; he assisted an international coalition under UN authority to restore a democratically-elected government to Haiti and negotiated the Dayton Peace Agreement and other efforts to end the war in Bosnia; he has received the International Human Rights Award from the United Nations Association of Boston, the Ambassador’s Award from the American Bar Association Central and East European Law Initiative, and the Tufts University Jean Mayer Global Citizenship Award. John Shattuck was also a Vice-President at Harvard University, taught at the Harvard Law School, and was a Research Associate at the Kennedy School of Government. But besides all these, this man is a real pleasure to listen to. Of course, as a lawyer, academic and diplomat, his speaking skills are amazing. So meeting him in person was more than an honour for me! But I have met other interesting people too. Among them my classmates. And we are a trully international community: from Romania, Armenia, USA, Kyrgystan, Macedonia, Hungary, Russia, Ethiopia and many other countries around the world.

What I particularly liked about the whole CEU thing is its capacity of uniting its students. Both the currently enrolled students and the alumni. And on a different scale the student body and the faculty. And here I think I will always remember the Welcome Afternoon, an event where we had the chance to talk to the alumni, some of the professors at CEU, the student representatives, as well as other MA or PhD students. A strong point of the university is its connection to the Open Society Institute, a true opportunity for qualitative research. Another interesting thing is this architectural idea of glass ceilings. An idea that was meant to symbolize openness. And I think it really works. So the whole CEU experience, with the buildings, the people, the programmes and activities, makes you feel priviledged and happy about studying here.

There is though a weak point of CEU, which was brought today to my attention by a Romanian friend of mine, currently affected by it: the Erasmus students’ status. Because they are quite few, the university seems to ignore some of their problems. On the one hand, this problem is understandable. You have a very international student body, so, of course, the Erasmus students might just be absorbed by this large group. But then there are some issues that keep on bothering them. For example, one of them is that they don’t receive accommodation in the dormitory, like the international students. The university provides some sessions of apartment search in the city, but I think that accommodation for these students is a requirement, mostly because the majority of them are here for only one semester. This short period of time makes it even harder for them to find a convenieint flat in the city. Most of the persons renting a flat are not willing to sign a contract for less than six months. On the other hand, the Erasmus office at CEU concentrates more on the opportunities of its own students to study abroad, somehow neglecting the ones that are already here with this programme. This problem will be the headline of my electoral agenda. From Monday to Wednesday I’ll be in an electoral campaign, trying to win my classmates’ trust and votes for the student representative. Hopefully, if I win the race, I’ll manage to bring this problem to the attention of the appropriate persons in the university, and together we will be able to solve it as soon as possible.

So, as you have seen, Budapest and CEU are two very exciting experiences! If you ever decide to visit the city, you know how to contact me. And, better, if you decide to come and study here, you know now that you can ask me for more details. But until then I must leave you now, as I must write my homework for Academic Writing on Monday. A very pleasant homework by the way  :).

Hugs,

Sia

I spent a great holiday!

Hello everyone,

4569_tBack to reality after an amazing holiday spent with Victor at the Black Sea. No, the resort wasn’t amazing, but the time spent in the company of a great person was. In fact, I may say that people make the places seem special. We’ve been to Costinesti for 7 days and to Constanta for 3 days.

Costinesti is the most crowded resorts at the Romanian shore of the Black Sea. It was, some years ago, one of the most beautiful places there, but now it became more like a bazaar of ethnicities, merchandise, food, music and attitudes. What I loved about the place was its constant smell of optimism and happiness. People seemed to enjoy the summer, the water and the overall experience of getting tanned or eating fish. What I didn’t like was the crowd! Too many people!!!

Anyway, timageshe interesting part was Constanta. A superb city! It’s not my first time there, but it’s definitely the first time I trully noticed the beauty and uniqueness of this city! We stayed there three days, but had only two days to visit. They were the most beautiful two days I’ve spent in a long time. Beautiful and very productive. We’ve visited around 80% of all the tourist attractions in Constanta: the train station, the museum of arts, the ruins of the Tomis castle, the city hall, the Genovese Lighthouse, the famous Casino, the Acquarium, the Great Sinagogue, the Great Mosque, the tourist Port, Ovidiu Plaza, the Museum of National History and Archeology, the Roman Edifice with Mosaic, the National Theatre and Ballet “Oleg Danovski”, “Mircea cel Batran” National College, Lake Tabacarie, Saint Mina wooden church, the Dolphinarium (I’m not sure if this word exists or not), the Planetarium, the exhibition of sharks and Pirahna fish, the exhibition of reptiles and the Astronomic Observer. Besides this, we’ve eaten a great shaworma (but not greater than the ones one can find in Timisoara 😉 ) and walked around the city, admiring the architecture and the streets. Yes, we were amazed by the streets: the driveways and intersections are so wide that this city is a paradise for any driver. No trafic jams, no swearing.

But! If you live far from Constanta…please…I beg of you…take the car! Do not take any train! They are awful! Dirty, slow, crowded, either not heated enough or not aerated enough. They always have delays, they always get stuck somewhere in the fields for hours, the bathrooms are one’s biggest nightmare and the sensation is not pleasent at all. Believe me, this was my last time travelling that big a distance (from Timisoara to Constanta there are about 800 km) by train. Besides the fact that before it left from Timisoara the train already had one hour delay, after a supposedly 12 hours travel, we arrived in Costinesti with a two more hours delay. So yes, it was a 16 hours journey accross Romania (we spent one hour in Bucharest, where we switched trains). Oh, and the ticket price is waaaayyyy too overrated! It will actually cost you less to travel by car. It might not be that safe, as travelling by train, but hey! by train is risky as well: you might faint in the bathroom because of the smell, or you might die of boredom until you reach the destination, or you might lose your job, because of the delays and so on and so forth.

Anyway, now I’m back to reality. And what a reality! I have to take out two dogs, at least twice a day, from two differet locations… Can you imagine that? Half of my day is gone only on walking dogs… And I’m not even payed to do that! Well, of course I’m not. One of the dogs is mine, so I do it for free and I sometimes even find some pleasure in walking my own dog. But the other one is of some friends of my parents’, who are on holiday with my parents and another 5 couples in Montenegro. Pfff… And what do I get? Maybe a shell-neckless from there or better, a fancy hat, that I get to wear only at carnivals.

Besides this, I’m looking to rent a flat in Budapest, near CEU, at around 150 euros per month. Doesn’t really matter if it’s a studio or a shared flat. If anyone of you might, by any chance, hear about an offer, or has an offer, or knows someone who might know someone who might have an offer, please contact me at silvia.neamtu@yahoo.com. I’m desperate! 🙂

Thank you for your patience to reading my long post.

Hugs,

Sia

A new chapter

Hello everyone,

Sorry for being so lazy lately, but I feel like I’m doing nothing and time still flyes. It’s already the end of July. One more month and I’ll see myself packing to leave. Looking at my life in retrospect, I must admit that I’m nostalgic. Childhood, the high school years, then uni. The everlasting generational conflict, my first love, discovering the world. I’m telling you this, because lately more and more people and circumstances seem to remind me of all these diverse memories and feelings. Apart from my first love, everything else changed. I’ve changed. Some say in better, others say in worse. If you ask me, I’ll definitely tell you in better. And for sure the best so far! I am not the most intelligent person on earth, I’m not the most beautiful, and not even close to being a perfect daughter, girlfriend or a best friend, but one of my true qualities is that I can learn to improve myself. Everybody says that one learns from it’s own mistakes. If this saying is true, than I’m the perfect example. However, there are things that I never seem to avoid. Like trusting people that I know for sure will let me down; like hurting people myself that I know for sure would sacrifice their lives for me; like eating like a pig and then pittying myself when watching in the mirror; like being annoyingly optimistic and so on and so forth.

Why does one do the same mistakes over and over again? Maybe it’s because humans are somehow selfdistrusctive. Maybe we are basically very simple mechanisms. Or maybe we are just too stupid. Well, of course, not all of us…Just me, in particular. If there’s anyone else out there feeling the same…well…nice to meet you, fellas!

Anyway, I just closed another chapter of my life. From September on, I’ll open a new one. Full of surprizes, hard work, discoveries, hope, dreams, disappointments, regrets, feelings, friends, people, relationships, experiences, ideas, opportunities. I’ve never visited Hungary. I don’t speak Hungarian, and I’ve been living all my live in a country and a region that doesn’t particularly like Hungarians. Living for two years there might seem a bit…challenging. Well guess what? It is! So, what can I say about this new chapter? I only hope it’ll be sufficiently rewarding. And by rewarding I mean that I’ll find whatever I am looking for: quality, diversity, standards, answers, myself, my friends, guidence and guidelines. In short, my life and towards where it is heading.

Hugs,

Sia

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